Dogs: Real Life Considerations

Dogs. They are cute. Of course! But do you want one forever?*.

*or 15 years, a typical large breed life span.

'of course I do!' you cry, at the blog post, like a village idiot. But are you sure?

Real life considerations are:

No more impromptu anything. One more drink, pudding, work drinks, a trip to that shoe sale... Nope. Buh bye!

No more lounging. Well, without a ball being put on your lap every minute.

No more clean clothes. Pick a dog in the colour you wear most.

Hoovering 3 times a day.

Endless dusting.

Endless expense on vet bills and toys and food and replacing chewed items

Damaged things you love

Poo in your garden

Getting up at 5.45am every single day

Getting up on a hangover

Walking in the rain

Heaving them all muddy into the bath

Slobber on your hands

Wet noses

Claws - no dancing to music!

A smelly car

.........but ultimately- the worry because you love something despite this!!

:-)


What did you wish you had known before you bought a dog??

Using a diary

Using a diary is a lot like being an addict. Smoking is all I have experience of, but stick with my analogy.

You carry it with you at all times
You tend to it, keeping your pen close by
Your addiction takes over, until you reach your all time low- when you catch yourself chronicling dreams (nobody gives a shit) or daily calories (get help).
You give up the diary. You decide that hey- you've got gmail calendars!
But then you come crawling back, always. Diaries provide hope. They indicate order in a world of chaos.
You're back on it again. Writing birthdays, jotting notes... Fuck it, you think, I'll even write in the 'next of kin' and 'doctor's address details' at the front. Oh no.

And it's got you again....

Easter Chocolate- Why Does It Taste SO Good?

I remember reading something in the Metro that stores like Tesco were stocking Easter eggs way back in November, or at least after Boxing Day- in response to 'Customer Demand' to 'spread the cost'! 

 Holy mackerel! Are these Fabergé eggs?

 There has to be something said though for Easter chocolate. Why is Easter Chcolate so good compared to normal chocolate? 

My (inexpert and top of the head) theories:
a) It's free and gifted
b) The egg shape is satisfying to the mouth
c) Crunchy shells on mini eggs satisfy primal urges
d) It melts quicker, making us feel like very hot, sexy people.

 As I say, I'm no expert - except for that BA in Chocolate Studies, thanks, Sheffield Hallam, but Easter Chocolate is defo something to look forward to. I usually get some gifts as well as chocolate, usually because i'm on a diet.

 I remember reading on xanga - remember that!- a thinspo blog about a girl who literally unwrapped all her Easter chocs and flushed them down the loo.

 What a waste! (The marshmallows wouldn't flush, which was why it stuck in my mind. Fluffy bunnies indeed!)

 What do you guys do- buy real gifts or chocolate- or none at all? Are you an egg munching atheist? I am, and there's no shame here! 

 Tell me your thoughts xxx

Getting Motivated To Go To The Gym

I'm so hit and miss when it comes to living well. 

One minute it's all defrosting chicken breasts to eat with salads at work, the next week I'm like a junkie asking my work mates for an extra 5p to meet the 70p price for the work vending machine which I have a love/hate relationship with. 

So, Gym Motivation. How do you get it? 

1. Go With A Friend

- Simple really. I pick a friend who lives locally so I can turn up and badger her. 

2. Try Make New Friends at The Gym

-Smile, make small talk, ask questions. I like "Is it usually this busy?" or "I haven't done this before, have you?" and "does it hurt afterwards?" - Don't just pick the lonely person, just walk near to a group and get talking. Afterwards follow up with a comment on how it went and ask if they are going next week. Then you can ask if they live locally etc etc. End with 'Oh I'm Elaine, by the way'. (If your name is Elaine. Obviously.)

3. Live Near The Gym

- May not be possible but it helps. If you live near a field, try walking or running. If you have a garage, get a cross trainer from Ebay and park it near a TV. If you live miles away get some workout DVD's. I like Jillian Micheal's ones but there are 1000000's on Ebay. Work with what you have got. 

4. Visualise yourself in your too tight clothing. 

Visualisation can be a good tool. . Exercise isn't the answer - diet is better - but you can always have a nice toned figure. You can use the carrot - or the stick. For example- I use the stick- My older clothes help me think 'it would be nice to get into that' - or perhaps I think of a bad photo. 
If it demotivates you, then think of the carrot - your tight jeans being all baggy ,your body in swimwear looking great, you rocking a wedding dress or a tux...

Try both ideas and see what works.

5. Get on the scale mid work out if you are slacking. 

Gets me back on the treadmill!

6. Feel your glowing face, your thumping heart and quick legs.

-Get happy that you are alive and extending being alive by keeping yourself healthy and fit. 

7. Daydream

-Pretend you've won the lottery. Pretend the gym is your own and you are renting it out. Pretend you are a spy and you are keeping an eye on a fellow gym goer who is your target. Pretend you are training for the World Cup/Oscars/Teen Awards. Pretend you are going to be stood next to Taylor Swift/Taylor Lautner next week.*

8. Skip a day. 

But use it wisely. Lounge about and eat things. Watch TV. Pick your day though. E.g - I wouldn't want to skip a Monday as British Bake Off is on Tuesday- I'd rather have that day off. Then again, I could go on a Tuesday, be back for 9pm and have Orange Wednesdays off. Or I could go on a Wednesday and have a 'Date Night' on Thursday or visit a friend. Try put your 'day off' to Thursday or Friday. Maybe by then you will want to go, or you will at least have 'earned' a good set of days. 

9. Don't beat yourself up! 

Your ability to fit into anything has no reflection on your worth as a person or your value to the world. There are more important things than what you are, how many grams of fat you have had, how many squats you can do or what you look like in photos. Unless you are a runway model or similar- your job isn't to look nice. It is to BE nice. 

Self confidence coming from the outside appearance of yourself is a valuable commodity and not to be sniffed at, but not the be all and end all. 

Your self confidence can be boosted by other things like:

- Being nice
-Thinking the best of people
-Complimenting other people
-Working hard at your job
-Making today the best day you can 
-Thinking of others
-Keeping organised
-Being reliable and a good friend

Don't let your motivation for self improvement ever get you down or take over your mind in a negative way, because you are more than the husk of your body. 

Stay healthy, but also stay sane!


If you don't have motivation for the gym, for work, for even getting out of bed, or whatever it is - then just take a moment to ride it out. It will pass. Life is full of ebbs and flows. I know that you will regain your motivation for whatever you want to achieve when the time is right!

Lots of love

morethanakeyword xxx

*I do this with housework - I pretend the Queen is coming! 

A Choppy Bob and a Chubby Face

The title says it all really.

I spent far too much time -when I should have been playing with my dog or cleaning- googling things like:

• 'choppy hair face is fat'
• 'will a bob make me look like a moon'
• 'short hair for chubby face'
• 'can i say I want kerry katona's choppy bob haircut without being judged'
• 'real pictures of nice short bobs. Young people' 

(I'm glad I don't have Siri. It would laugh at me.)

And I was led nowhere.

The bobs I was shown had old dears on who had rollered them so severely they looked like they had been in some sort of tropical storm.

The ones you see on fashion models are stuck there so perfectly there's no way of even knowing how it will look like on an actual human.

And then the ones on Instagram or Twitter are girls who are too pretty and can style their hair. My idea of styling is turning on the ghd's, whacking them through it a few times and then leaving the house.

So here are some pictures of me and my Big Haircut of 2012. No reason for it except I had rubbish hair before and I was starting to look like Dave Grohl when he dresses as a woman.

ROLL PICTURES. x

I hope that helps anyone looking to decide whether to get shorter hair or not.
I like it.
My boyfriend likes it.
My puppy licks the back of my neck now, so I presume that's a paws up from him.

My advice is - get your hair cut- it grows.

Tell me your best/worst haircut!

xx

New finds- highlighter, lip sheens and serum

I suppose I'm a bit behind the times with my highlighters and shimmer creams. Ive always been partial to a sheen from benefit... But at over £10... It's not a daily solution to the blue and dull British weather! So...my body shop shimmering illuminating cream is my new star in a jar! This has a golden sheen and a blob goes a long way. The sheen has a nice wetness to it, making it great under make up, as opposed to a highlighter like Miss Popularity that works on cupids bows, or Virgin from the urban decay naked palette, for that matter.

Next up is the infamous aldi shimmering cream. This pump is brilliant and sturdy, whilst the cream itself is thick and packed with luminosity. I really rate this for its moisturising sheen, and it's abilities not to clog oily skin.


And my final big up goes to my newest buy, a body shop sheer gloss in a burgundy red. This is great for a gothicy yet still light look. It's moist and not sticky, and was just £5. Plus... It goes amazingly with my new johnny cash tee :)

Dynasty revival on the high street

Just spotted a lot of crazy clothes on the highstreet in Cambridge. Looks like dynasty is back! Tulip shapes, lace, off the shoulders and highlighter pink tones... So- is 80s prom a look you can -or will- work?

Everyday Makeup For Work

Just a quick pictorial post on all my favourite daily make up bits! Soap and glory foundation is my new love. I love it more than Clinique, no7, benefit... It is my star product for oily, British skin!

Next up is my gel eyeliner from no7 and I freaking love it. Can you marry an eyeliner? Love it. This stays on for days if you don't take it off... And that's a challenge and a fact!

That's my face on a plate. Or a blog. You know what I mean!

Casual Work Wear - Spring

Spread the word. I

have a new job! Hooray for me.

With too many things getting me down at my present workplace and feeling under appreciated, I decided to make a positive change and to actively seek a new

role. I have come up trumps with a brilliant company, just a 40 minute tram journey (goodbye fuel costs)

with great hours- and casual dress.

This is a biggy!

I'm used to casual dress but I want to keep it quite smart, like most people who are new on the job.

So here are my outfit ideas for those wanting to look smart but still keep it relaxed to fit into

a casual office environment.

1. This blazer from Matalan. I love it. I've seen and fondled it in store and it is so soft it is untrue! The cuffs can be turned down too if you aren't wanting a flash of peach, and this strikes the smarter edge of 'cardigan'.

2. The Papaya Crop Twill trousers from Matalan are great. Love them! Really smart and still casual

enough to rock with some Fred Perry pumps.

3. Away from Matalan (as much as I love it) to.... Warehouse and the first dress pictured. How rad is this? Team with a black blazer, pumps or boots and tights and a leather jacket. I love it.

4.To go with the lot, this awesome shirt by Wrangler will give a nod to the 'white collar' look, without being at all office-y.

And to finish? These loafers. So cute! They are over £100. So join me in saying 'thumbs down' to employers that don't help you make that mozzarella and get your CV on Jobsite, Monster et al!

Happy shopping!

Morethanakeyword xx

Can't Cook - Still Tries.

I love cakes. Minty chocolate ones, spongey light fairy ones. Cookies. Brownies. Warm flapjacks. Sticky buns. Vanilla creams.

My confession- I can’t cook them.

Baking, or my lack of baking skills is the only thing that stops me heading for elasticated trousers and wider door frames, but this doesn't console me.

My friends all bake.

They do bake offs. I do the eating.

I avidly watch Jamie, Read the Cake Blog, stare at Baking Made Easy and gaze at Cupcakes Take The Cake for my food porn kicks but when it comes down to the actual act- the down and dirty of baking- it turns out i’m all talk and no apron.

This is the story of the friendship cake called Herman. Passed to me by a work friend, this was given to me in the way that a chain letter is, passed on to be baked as a sign of friendship. ( We are still friends despite what happened next.)

This monstrosity smelled of yeast and sad in my kitchen, foaming in a fruit bowl, demanding to be mixed and added to each day for 12 long days. After the 12 were up and it had been ‘fed’ about 500g of sugar, eggs, pineapple (fresh) and nuts (almonds), I heaved it into a pan and bunged it in the oven.

45 minutes later, i touched it. Springy, soft and lovely.

I decided to surprise the boy after dinner.

“I’d love a slice” he said.

Until I cut it open. Goo oozed out of it like a seeping wound.

“Is that...Meant to be like that?” he said

“Maybe it’s the pineapple.”

“It stinks. Sorry.”

And so it did. Back into the oven for another 45 minutes, the blade was yet to come out clean.

The ending? Well it’s not happy. I asked the boy if I should feed it to the birds and he gave me a pitying look. I decided the embarrassment was too much and I surrendered it to the bin, which brought down the sides of the bin bag in a shameful thud.

4lbs of cake, gone.

Pineapple, gone.

Sense of being ‘diy/baker/wife in training’ – gone.

Can someone please give me a recipe that’s one step up from a cornflake cake?

Cold sores – Curing The Monster Within

Coldsores are completely hidden by hands and hair.

Great weapons and as you can see, discreet too.

It’s cold. Stressful. Harrowing. It’s Winter/Spring in England. A time for Chapstick and Woolly socks to claim their places in your favourite items list. Your flowery dresses and sandals lay packed away, in hibernation.

Then disaster strikes. Stress bubbles up. Perhaps a death, a divorce, a move of home, or just a boss you want to throttle.

Suddenly you wake up feeling like you have swapped lips with a hen. Tight and pursed. You stumble to the bathroom to be greeted with a bump. It’s no Everest. Ben Nevis maybe.

A cold sore. Curses!

You shake your fist at the Flying Spaghetti Monster/ God/ Vishnu.

"Why now? Why Me?! "And you panic. But don't! Here’s my down low of things I've done to get rid of them, in varying levels of success

.

1 – Attack!

Open the sore. Ouch. Peel off any dead skin. Get the goop out using a clean cotton bud. Next – brace yourself for a Home Alone style scream. Apply Bleach or Nail varnish remover using a fresh cotton bud.

Scream. Wait for it to dry up. Do not swallow. You will die if it is ingested. Hold off food for a bit.

Grim, painful, and a last resort if you have a date.

2. Softly Softly!

Apply a tea bag to the lump. A cool one, mind, don’t want a burn as well. The tannin will help soothe the itch and will also remove some of the redness. Check in a mirror afterwards to avoid the look of the tea stained weirdo.

3. Go Medical!

Germolene has a numbing agent in it, is antiseptic and costs a quid. Slather onto the sore and leave it. It takes about a week to get rid.

4. Keep it clean!

Keep picking at it, removing the scab and washing with soapy water, drying and so on. Repeat many times a day. This involves a lot of looking shady in a public bathroom, but the sore will dry up and will feel cleaner. This always makes me feel a lot better.

Coldsore Care Tips

• Try not to touch it.
• Avoid hot water – it seems to thrive in moisture. Cold showers and less exercise are ideal. (Woohoo a week off running!)
• Try east lysine in a capsule form, this prevents them.
• Avocados also help reduce them. Try have one a month (I never remember this!)
• Change your toothbrush after an attack and don’t wipe your face on your towel
• Don’t kiss or do naughty things (yuck)
• Pick off the dead skin when possible and keep applying an antiseptic or a hand sanitiser

Things to avoid.

• Ear wax. Honestly, this is an internet idea. Gross! If you want wax, crack open a Yankee Candle, don’t dog into your ears.
• Toothpaste- useless and stings, before sticking in the wound. To prevent looking like you have had intimate relations with a snowman you then have to pick the bits of white out of your open sore. Painful.
• Salt – Never had any success in this, apart from learning how slugs feel!
• Zovirax – Expensive and only any use for me when I was new to coldsores- eg 6. Nowadays I need Zovirax times 10000 to even start working.

Fear not if you have an ugly sore as you read this. They are here for but a week. Celebrity faces get them, and they are at least a talking point. ( That's a shitty silver lining, but you get the idea.)

Much love

Morethanakeyword xx