As a wearer of a whole heap of make up since my bout of acne (erk) lasting from 13- 20, I am pretty used to buying cosmetics and skincare stuff. The following is my pearls of wisdom. Take ‘em or leave em!
1) Acid is not your friend.
I don’t care what Clearasil says, acid that’s not from a fruit shouldn’t be near your face on a daily basis.Best cleanser : Waitrose Baby Bubbles – Use a pea sized amount in the shower when your face is warm, or run the skin full of warm water and cleanse over that.
2)Double cleansing is your friend. Once for make up, twice for face grime (technical term)
Get in the nooks behind your nose by making faces such as ‘horror’ ‘grimace’ and get those eyes by using the ‘shocked look’.
3)Blackheads and spots are grim and need to be removed.
I have plenty of scars on my face, that is true, but hopefully no-one has ever spoken to a big bulging spot instead of to me.
4)Dermatologically tested is bullcr*p if the ingredients are unpronounceable. Sensitive skin needs oil free foundation.
5)Benetint is your best friend.
Lips- Benetint followed by a pearl coloured lipbalm on top for a healthy sheen
Cheeks- Benetint on your cheeks in a strip motion. (Lengthens the cheekbones. Apples of the cheeks style blusher isn’t for the fuller faced types such as myself.)
Eyes – Yup. Pop it on those bags and then quickly blend. Top with a plain concelear. (I like Bo-ing by benefit- go darker than your standard spot covering concealer.)
6)Best moisturiser- olive oil, warmed between your hands if your bed mate doesn’t mind you jonking of salad, or something designed for a baby’s bum. I joke not.
7)Highlighting is all about blending. I’m anti highlighting in the day time. Fish scales spring to mind.
8)Liquid eyeliner is easily mastered. Let the brush do the work. Rest your elbow on a table, for n00bs. Press the brush at the beginning of the eye. You have half a line. Re dip into the liner pot and then hold your eyelid at a slight point like an impression of an oriental person, then hoik upwards. It shouldn’t hurt but pull it up. Cat eyes. Do the same pressing motion. Go back with what’s left on the brush and finish the line.
9)Eyeshadows don’t suit everyone. I have big eyes and they make me look bug eyed. Just plain liner for me- and maybe you *spooky music...*
10)Baby powder is cheap and friendly as a finishing face powder- use a big brush from ELF or from Mac.
11)Baby powder also works as the white lengthening stuff you get in those mascaras. Just pat it on after the first coat. Look crazy albino for just a second.
12) Mascara. The fatter the brush, the bigger the lashes. Brushes are worth keeping to b used with other mascaras. The red Rimmel mascara is the best I have found in years. I clean the brush and use it with a cheapy.
13)BB creams aren’t worth the hype, a tinted moisturiser and a sunscreen is great. In the UK you think we need factor 40? You must be joking me.
14)Moisturising your neck is probably invaluable advice but I always forget.
15)Nails- Paint your manicure by using your motion not your shakiy hand. Hold fingers spread out on a flat table. Start with the middle nail on the left hand, left hand side. Press a blob of white paint on your natural manicure line. Move your hand and keep the brush steady. Ta Da. Repeat.
16)Fake nails are disgusting. That is all. Drink milk, keep them short and buy nice OPI paints instead. You aren’t a witch.
17)Exfoliaters – Lemon, chopped in half, with sugar. Scrub gently!
18)Pin up your hair into a hairband at night for curls. Straighteners ruin your hair. Strap elastic hair band rocky style along your forhead. Wind wet/damp hair (sea salt in shaker bottle with hairspray helps also) around one or two fingers, like a Disney princess. Secure in the hairband. Go to sleep. Wake up pretty.
19)Use a pencil to get your eyebrow arch. If in doubt – less eyebrows off the better. Nostril upwards- your eyebrow line. Nostril, 45 degrees to natural arch, your arch. Take off more here and define with eyebrow pencil and a white eyeshadow blended well.
20)Eyebrow pencils are risky. Take a deep brown shadow, wet your brush, dip into the palette, lay the brush sideways against the brow and draw on in one line. Then go feathery on your eyebrow’s a** and top with a gentle pat of concealer so they aren’t so ‘here I am!!’
21)A bandana is your friend for greasy hair. Gives people something higher up than your sweaty fringe to look at. Go bright as possible.
22)Don’t apply any essential oil directly to your face. Ever. I’ve had a chemical burn. Not pretty.
23)Ladies. Moustache check. Go into the bright lights and do it now. Nair is your friend.
24)Ladies. Mono brow check. Now.
25) 100000 cheap razors used with oil and ruined in one go are better than a dryish, sore shave with one very expensive razor. You don’t need 8 smoothing blades, just a Bic and good skincare products. Oh and forget hair minimisers, you are a mammal, the hair will come however you feel about it.
26)Touche eclat is a waste of money in my humble opinion. They are always too light, and who needs a highlighter masquerading as a concealer? Not me. And not for £23!! Also wasted money – Eyelash curlers if you want a fat lash look. Forget them. Your life is too short to do it to yourself. Cheap perfumes. No. Cheap nail varnishes- no. Overnight spot creams or applying toothpaste- you look like a freak. (If you spot is gnarly get alone, ice that b*tch up and get rid!) Also, cheap lipsticks in a colour you want to 'try' and use. You won't. Tinted moisturiser if you have craters and lumps bigger than in Utah. Too light. Anything new, generally. Lay off the limited price offers!
27) Things you need to survive in a post apocalyptic world with only access to a bag of cosmetics you have pre-packed:
- Nude palette of eyeshadows including a deep brown with no sparkle and a decent brush for eyeshadow and eyebrows. (Body shop)
- Decent foundation in 2 colours.
- Primer is worth it if you work somewhere you can’t do a touch up (airline?) Dr Feelgood by Benefit is good. GOSH is good. Urban Decay is good. No7 is good.
- A cheap concealer. Forget oil free, you need creamy and smooth! You already have a spot, don’t indulge it with expensive oil free stuff, it’l only expect it.
- A decent shimmery bronzer (collection 2000 or 17 have huge ones) as well as an expensive matte one (Gurleian and Borgeouis have nice ones) in order to define.
- A cheek stain in red and a pinky shimmery blusher (Accessorize have great ones.) Sweep blusher over the eyes to look awake but GO GENTLY!
- A lipgloss, your main colours are pink, clear (No glitter, please, we are over 12) as well as a basic red or a browny red. Not everyone suits red, despite what magazines will have you thinking. A highlighter for evening.
- A basic mascara and a great brush for applying.
- A big facebrush that makes you feel fabulous. I hate that word. That makes you feel...Like a proper adult. Doing amke up properly, not just smooshing it about. That kind of brush.
- A kohl eyeliner (Miss Sporty has the best ive found) and a liquid eyeliner- black please, no purples. Eesh.
28) If you use a glitter eyeliner a criss cross motion will help condense the glitter particles so it doesn’t look like you have lice. ( I dislike the stuff)
So that’s it. I feel like I have more tips up my sleeve! So...For now! x
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